Garfield wart remover

Today’s comedy consumer item, found while looking for dental floss. I didn’t find the dental floss in that section. I assume there is a reason why they keep wart cream near toothpaste. Maybe you can get tooth warts.

“Makes wart removal fun!” I highly doubt that, Garfield. But, you know, kids just won’t accept medical treatment unless it has a merchandising character on it, even if it’s actually from their parents’ generation. Why not have Thundercats? Deputy Dawg? The Beatles? George Formby?

Now it’s a job that just suits me,
A window cleaner you would be,
And my feet are all wart-free,
When I’m cleanin’ windows!

But you know what kids today are like. When I was a lad, we’d eat rusty nails if the doctor told us we needed iron (not new nails of course, much too expensive, rusty ones were quite good enough). And they didn’t have frigging He-Man on them, or even non-frigging He-Man. Nowadays?

Today’s conclusions

• kids are little bastards and deserve warts
• Garfield is crap and anyone who still reads it is also crap
• Dilbert is of the same vintage but is still funny sometimes so I forgive it
• I thought Transformers beat Go-Bots once and for all in the 80s, but I’ve seen adverts for Go-Bots recently, so I conclude that Go-Bots are travelling from the past into their future and our present on a mission to destroy Cybertron and have rough sex with Optimus Prime. They must be stopped.

Questions yet to be answered

• if we have to have bloody Go-Bots come back, why can’t we have She-Ra, Princess of Power as well? Or was she really more of an Eternian My Little Pony? Do you realise there were 193 TV episodes of She-Ra? I didn’t.
• exactly how much of a stereotypical 80s kid am I, and how much should I grow up? Don’t worry, I can talk about modern cartoons too.
• Isn’t Dexter’s mom hot? Particularly with her gloves.
• no, seriously, she is. But Timmy’s mom is not hot. Timmy, from Fairly Oddparents. However, Vicky the babysitter is pretty hot.
• I can’t bring myself to think Kim Possible is hot. Nobody on the Disney Channel is hot. Particularly not Lizzie McGuire. How strange and worrying is anyone who fancies Lizzie McGuire? I’d prefer it if they were Overfiend fans (best quote from that page: “Once you Get Past the Raping, Everything is Just Fine”). Having sex with Lizzie McGuire would be like jizzing on a Care Bear.
• am I now going to get Google hits for “sex lizzie mcguire“? By the Sorceress, I hope not.
• Teela was not terribly hot in the original He-Man cartoon but is significantly hotter in the new one
• I have no opinion on Bugs Bunny

Incidentally, somebody’s just called up CNN saying they signed onto AOL, cancelled and mysteriously they are still billing her. (No, I am not watching E! Entertainment Television. This would be much worse if I was.) You, lady, are a fool.

But no. Oh my God. Not as much of a fool as this guy. Someone has just called up now saying he is thinking of getting into a “pyramid” involving selling things to other people.

I can’t go on.