You’ll be happy to know that I got my phone back – because it means I won’t be going on about it for another week like I did last time. I heard someone going through the ringtones in the long grass near the bus stop. I snuck up and saw the woodchuck with my phone. I grabbed the beast and spanked it and took the phone back.
When I checked the activity log, it had been taking pictures of its arse and emailing them to marmots.org with rude messages attached, like “vancooVER sux LOL”. There is a reason that God did not provide woodchucks with email facilities, and they should not attempt to take advantage of those possessed by another species.