What to do
Well, it looks like some sort of decision is going to have to be made. Let’s sum up the situation.
I don’t think it is at all likely that I am going to stay in America much longer. Nothing against the place, it’s just that I am pretty much on my own and gradually growing madder and madder. I used to be able to cope with weekends, and work; now, I hate my job, and I hate my free time, and both of them make me want to live in a yak and drink beer for the rest of my life.
I can’t get another job in the US unless I find some company willing to get me another Indentured Servent Visa, which is unlikely to happen. These things cost money. I really hate my job, which is the stupidest codemonkey work for morons imaginable with absolutely no social outlets, and there are no internal alternatives – believe me, I’ve checked, there’s nothing, unless I get the opportunity to retrain, which I won’t. Budget restraints, you know. It’s not like EMC are rich or anything.
I can’t cope with my job because I don’t have anything in my personal life that makes it worth enduring. I haven’t got anything in my personal life because I moved over here on what was basically a romantic whim, knowing one person who I now don’t talk to; I know one other person who’s pretty cool but, you know, you can’t put your entire social demands on one person. I’m perpetually too miserable to attempt to make the situation better, and even on the rare occasions that I try, I fuck the follow-up. I seriously spend every single weekend without talking to anyone except to buy things. Some sort of drugs might help here but I’m sceptical about anti-depressants, having worked on them for too long myself and had too many experiences of them not really helping long-term. I don’t react to them terribly well and I hate the side-effects.
So I conclude that the best move would be back to the UK. At least there I’d know some people, I’d know the social situation better, I’d have employment freedom and I wouldn’t have to see adverts ending with “I’m George Bush and I approve this message”. I’d have better mobile coverage, though worse broadband access… I’ll survive.
What are my options here? That’s the bit I’m currently debating.
Leave now
Pros
- Get out of here as quickly as possible
Cons
- Would have to pay large sums to get out of lease, which I can’t afford
- Regardless of that, not an awful lot of money to fall back on right now
- No job lined up
- Having no job and no money makes you bloody miserable in either society
Leave in November
Pros
- Get out of here quickly
- It’s at the end of my lease and a few other contracts, so no bothersome renewal
- Some time to line up a job in the UK
- Some time to save up some cash
Cons
- Miss out on the bonus
- Nasty time of the year to try to get jobs, even temp ones
Leave after bonus (March?)
Pros
- Even more time to line up a job in the UK and save up money
- Get bonus (fair-sized, and I’ve earned it, it’s assumed to be part of the salary)
Cons
- Have to either move or negotiate an extended lease – this will not be fun
- Have to stay here longer than the above alternatives require, possibly negating any extra cash I have earned due to psychiatric and medication bills
- Cannot rely on the NHS to take care of me when I get back, because of bastard Blair etc, though may be able to swing something via my mother
Stay for another year (next November)
Pros
- No need to renegotiate anything
- Will have even longer to get job and cash
Cons
- Will be utterly hatstand by that point and possibly institutionalised. Or dead.
I’m leaning towards “leave in November” at the moment.
Just so you know.
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Jefferson Lee Eng Said,
June 28, 2004 @ 10:10 pm
Poor guy…but I understand what it’s like to be alone…
Shame I can’t have the option to move to the UK as that would involve jumping through more hoops that I could stand due to whatever is currently stated in the Patriot Act and whatever stuff about passports and VISAs I’d have to figure out…not my cuppa IMO…
For now, though, I’m at least local to you (me being in Norristown just a few blocks from the R6 at least) if there’s anything I can do to help…
Katherine Said,
June 28, 2004 @ 11:06 pm
Too bad you can’t move to elsewhere in the US. The East Coast kinda sucks unless you’re a tourist.
Hope Said,
June 29, 2004 @ 2:24 am
I vote for November as well. Hang in there kid, you’ll make it.
The old pixie Said,
June 29, 2004 @ 3:58 am
Just make sure you don’t set yourself up for the grass being greener syndrome and find when you return you have similar problems in a different place – or take up with old problems in the old place. Some of this has to be inside the head stuff wherever you are.
me Said,
June 29, 2004 @ 8:41 am
Sounds miserable! I say go with your instincts – they’re always right. Do whatever makes you happy.
Also, the NHS isn’t SO bad these days. And London is fun (when there aren’t tube strikes!)
the other me Said,
June 29, 2004 @ 11:08 am
If you decide to stay, try to move to New York City. The old pixie does make a good point.
melissaria Said,
June 29, 2004 @ 11:20 am
Someone once said to me that the big decisions tend to make themselves when the time to make them comes! And in most cases, they are right.
But something’s not working for you. Do you think that changing location is the answer, or are the same problems likely to re-appear as soon as you settle somewhere else? Particulary if you live with individuals who never clean the kitchen….
What’s your goal – what are you really trying to achieve? Great social life? Financial security? Fulfilling work? Varying proportions of all of the above? Or something else. Simply ‘Get the hell out of here’ won’t igve the answer on a plate.
Once you know your actual goal, you’ll find it much easier to identify the process by which you reach it, and the practicalities of your pros and cons list deal with some of the options for you.
Good Luck! And let me know if you find your answer, I’d love to know how!
Melissaria Trainee Life Coach
The old pixie Said,
June 29, 2004 @ 1:46 pm
Confucion he say” don’t be surprised if you look up your rear end at what you find there; better you notlook at all”. You are still young enough to take some risks in your life and see where serendipity takes you!
gwplf Said,
June 29, 2004 @ 5:05 pm
‘live in a yak’ – isn’t that some kind of wooly cow with bitter milk?
fridgemagnet Said,
June 29, 2004 @ 6:47 pm
Yup. But very cosy.
Rob Said,
June 29, 2004 @ 10:48 pm
Ah. same problem as me a couple years ago. I moved home, found out that time has moved on at home more than i had expected, friends were living abroad, had g.friends etc, so whilst I knew some people they were mostly busy with their lives that had moved on without me. I still have not resoved the question of whether expectations of happiness, fulfillment and respect are too high for 21st century.
The old pixie Said,
June 30, 2004 @ 5:06 am
You can’t expect happiness, fulfilment and respect – you work damned hard for the first, get the second as a bonus and earn the third – they don’t come as a neat package and sometimes you have one, two or all three – but never for long. And a high alcohol intake makes it a thousand times harder get attain even one – the depressive effect just doesn’t allow you to feel happy.
dogbasket Said,
June 30, 2004 @ 9:20 am
Come back, all is forgiven. I’ll leave medicine and we shall open a cheese shop in Droitwich. You shall play the mandolin and I shall smoke fags and drink ale in the corner, laughing insanely at Camembert – the way it used to be. Remember Melville Terrace – aaah…
Enigma Said,
June 30, 2004 @ 12:23 pm
the old pixie does make a lot of sense. i’m sorry you’re so unhappy. i’d miss going to your area and looking for you.
next week em and i are going out for drinks. you want to come? i thought u enjoyed being the lone wolf and milling around alone. you never seemed to take any suggestions i gave you (aside from the nearby supermarkets).
gwplf Said,
June 30, 2004 @ 1:50 pm
Not to me. TOP has a depressing outlook of life if you ask me.
Happiness is quite capable of coming along without working hard for it.
OldBadger Said,
June 30, 2004 @ 6:19 pm
Whatever you do, don’t play the mandolin !
Mordant C. Said,
July 1, 2004 @ 1:00 pm
Hugs, fridge. I’d hang on for the bonus if I were you.
BTW, yaks are so last season. The beautiful people are selling their yaks and moving into tapirs.