Well, it looks like some sort of decision is going to have to be made. Let’s sum up the situation.
I don’t think it is at all likely that I am going to stay in America much longer. Nothing against the place, it’s just that I am pretty much on my own and gradually growing madder and madder. I used to be able to cope with weekends, and work; now, I hate my job, and I hate my free time, and both of them make me want to live in a yak and drink beer for the rest of my life.
I can’t get another job in the US unless I find some company willing to get me another Indentured Servent Visa, which is unlikely to happen. These things cost money. I really hate my job, which is the stupidest codemonkey work for morons imaginable with absolutely no social outlets, and there are no internal alternatives – believe me, I’ve checked, there’s nothing, unless I get the opportunity to retrain, which I won’t. Budget restraints, you know. It’s not like EMC are rich or anything.
I can’t cope with my job because I don’t have anything in my personal life that makes it worth enduring. I haven’t got anything in my personal life because I moved over here on what was basically a romantic whim, knowing one person who I now don’t talk to; I know one other person who’s pretty cool but, you know, you can’t put your entire social demands on one person. I’m perpetually too miserable to attempt to make the situation better, and even on the rare occasions that I try, I fuck the follow-up. I seriously spend every single weekend without talking to anyone except to buy things. Some sort of drugs might help here but I’m sceptical about anti-depressants, having worked on them for too long myself and had too many experiences of them not really helping long-term. I don’t react to them terribly well and I hate the side-effects.
So I conclude that the best move would be back to the UK. At least there I’d know some people, I’d know the social situation better, I’d have employment freedom and I wouldn’t have to see adverts ending with “I’m George Bush and I approve this message”. I’d have better mobile coverage, though worse broadband access… I’ll survive.
What are my options here? That’s the bit I’m currently debating.
- Get out of here as quickly as possible
- Would have to pay large sums to get out of lease, which I can’t afford
- Regardless of that, not an awful lot of money to fall back on right now
- No job lined up
- Having no job and no money makes you bloody miserable in either society
Leave in November
- Get out of here quickly
- It’s at the end of my lease and a few other contracts, so no bothersome renewal
- Some time to line up a job in the UK
- Some time to save up some cash
- Miss out on the bonus
- Nasty time of the year to try to get jobs, even temp ones
Leave after bonus (March?)
- Even more time to line up a job in the UK and save up money
- Get bonus (fair-sized, and I’ve earned it, it’s assumed to be part of the salary)
- Have to either move or negotiate an extended lease – this will not be fun
- Have to stay here longer than the above alternatives require, possibly negating any extra cash I have earned due to psychiatric and medication bills
- Cannot rely on the NHS to take care of me when I get back, because of bastard Blair etc, though may be able to swing something via my mother
Stay for another year (next November)
- No need to renegotiate anything
- Will have even longer to get job and cash
- Will be utterly hatstand by that point and possibly institutionalised. Or dead.
I’m leaning towards “leave in November” at the moment.
Just so you know.