Six more days until I can legally threaten the President's life! Whoever he is!
Disclaimer: This is not a threat on the President's life. I do not wish to kill the President, I do not wish anyone else to kill the President, I do not wish him to die in any way. I would quite like it if the current President weren't the President in six more days, but that, as far as I know, is not illegal.
What I mean is, in six days (well, five and a half) I will be stepping off the plane into a country that is not, as yet, under the jurisdiction of US law, though we do do things like support their President's re-election campaign and hand over servers to the FBI. But I digress. As well as having the legal right to issue threats which I have no intention of issuing and do not sympathise with in any way, I will also have the right to:
- obtain disposable lighters with a flint that lasts more than five bloody seconds;
- pay vastly inflated sums for mediocre drinks in suburban chain pubs;
- work for whichever company I want without losing my right of residence;
- get paid about half as much;
- buy takeaway curries;
- not buy proper Mexican food;
- own a decent mobile phone that actually gets bars outside of major urban areas;
- be deprived of broadband on the whim of fucking British Telecom;
- have at least some TV that doesn't make me want to spork my eyes out coming over the airwaves;
- have the same old shite on cable or satellite, only less of it and more expensive;
but the major benefit is
- Radio 4
and I'm not joking. If only John Peel were still alive, he'd be up there too. Dammit.
To tell the truth, I'm just ever so slightly tense. You know, just a teeny tiny bit. I'm quite glad I took a week off to do a couple of days of packing because I'm really not getting much of it done. I woke up this morning at 7am to the usual crash-tinkle-we're-unloading-or-loading-stuff sounds outside my window and groaned “ohhh GODDDDD I CAN'T COPE WITH THIS”. I was asleep by 11pm yesterday night so I wasn't exactly sleep-deprived, but it's just getting harder and harder to handle being awake.
Still, in six days time, whatever happens (apart from me going absolutely batshit and not getting on the plane) it'll be over, and I'll be able to say things which I have no intention of saying and fervently hope will never happen.