Archive for January, 2005

Good old Currant Bun

<img src=”http://www.fridgemagnet.org.uk/uploads/help-the-sun-harass.png” alt=”Help the Sun harass people for

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Getting into eggs

I've been getting into eggs more recently. Of course, when I say “getting into eggs”, I mean physically getting into them. My favourite mechanism for doing this is to simply shrink myself down and have myself injected directly into the egg, either into yolk or white depending on my mood (see Figure 1). As the shrinking wears off, I gradually expand and break open the shell, ending up slightly soiled but usually satisfied with the experience.

big - small - egg

There are a few things to bear in mind when using this method:

  1. Oxygen supply – no air inside an egg! I use an aqualung. Oh, and flippers, you'll need those.
  2. Have a reliable shrinking attendant who will make sure you are transferred to the syringe without exposure to wasps, bacteriophages and other hazards.
  3. Make sure the egg is unfertilised. You don't want to be injected into a chicken embryo. Yuk!

The other method that I have used involves a lot more time and expense, given that one has to transform oneself into chicken sperm, and I don't recommend it, certainly not for the beginner.

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Insanity

I have been driven into a state of twitching frenzy by the overconsumption of crisps. Today I have eaten at least a pound of pure E-numbers.

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Posted using <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/community/sms_to_lj/">sms_to_lj</a>…

chance of light showers
the one five nine does not stop
no reason at all

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<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/crisper/26562.html">Happy Rabbit Hole Day</a>

So, yeah, I'm having a little bit of a hard time typing this, my fingers are going a bit numb but whatever. I can't disappoint my fans can I? I mean, you need to know this stuff, right?

I was in at eight this morning which I think is pretty good given that Francine only let me go at four. But, you know, a couple of sniffs, yeah? So I'm logging in and all I see is my hotmail going mad, not with the usual dick spam, not that I need it, well, a few purple triangles every now and then come in handy, but no, from this bird I met last week. She's sent me a hundred fucking emails about having lunch and there's something she's got to tell me. And I'm thinking “lock up the bunny” but, you know, I have a pretty good morning. I've got this thing going with some Thai futures that's really pretty nice at the moment. I reckon I deserve a long lunch, and she was fucking hot, so I give her a call on her mobile to meet her at Smiths.

When I turn up I'm buzzing off the morning's events, and I see her there in this absolutely fantastic little blue corset dress thing, it's cold outside but she's definitely made an effort. I sit down and start to chat, hello, how are you doing, you're looking fabulous. Steak for me, of course, she has something with prawns in.

Starts to dawn on me that she's not saying a lot so I look concerned, are you okay, you're quiet, is anything wrong. Last time I saw her you couldn't shut her up. She looks a bit surprised and tells me, no, it's nothing, but I'm not quite convinced… I don't push it though. We eat, we have a few drinks, it's all very nice. Then it's two and we're still talking about bullshit, politics or something, and I think that it's probably time to get back to the desk.

So I say I have to be getting back and would she like to carry on the discussion later on? Because I'm still a bit worried about this “something to tell me” thing, I've not heard it yet and, well, there's the obvious isn't there? I think I was careful but sometimes you forget, don't you? And she says yes, please, are you free this evening? Well, yeah, I am. We sort something out after work. She says she works in Soho so we sort something out for six.

» Continue reading “<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/crisper/26562.html">Happy Rabbit Hole Day</a>”

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LOTR animated alternatives

On the off chance that some of you may not be aware of these, I present all the ones I've seen so far… (some words not entirely SFW but no disturbing sound or anything)

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What

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Teaching ad followup

This is all very blog-referential, but the author of The Blackboard Jungle has made a post relating to some of the issues raised in my post about teaching ads which linked to her. If you were interested in that particular post you will be interested in this. Trackback would make this all a lot easier. Come on, Six Apart, do your stuff.

Edit: Blogger is being its usual useless self and not archiving properly. If you want to read the piece, just go to the Blackboard Jungle home page and look at it there.

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Things I say to the dog

Since there's been such interest:

  • “dognose! dognose!” or just “nose!”
  • “hello Looooooollah” in stupid “hello baby” voice (dog's name is Lola)
  • “ey oop Lola”
  • “morning, dog”
  • “Lola! Away from the door! It's just the postman! Shut up! Lola! Here! No! Don't eat the post! Leave it!”
  • “Dog! Out!”
  • “Lola…….” (warning tone, when she's nosing around the kitchen)
  • “Hello, dog-faced dog” (reference to Eels song)

She's not even my dog.

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Supine

This is just…

LANSING, Mich. (AP) – Four employees of a health care company have been fired for refusing to take a test to determine whether they smoke cigarettes.

Weyco Inc., a health benefits administrator based in Okemos, Mich., adopted a policy Jan. 1 that allows employees to be fired if they smoke, even if the smoking happens after business hours or at home.

I will never take a drug test, even though I don't take illegal drugs. I will certainly not take a test for smoking, even if I give up. My children, if I ever have any, will not be drug tested or searched for drugs at school.

What gets me is that things have got to the stage where (a) it is actually legal and acceptable to sack someone for this sort of behaviour, and (b) people are prepared to put up with it and knuckle under. I was astounded to hear that drug tests are routine even for non-safety-critical jobs in the US, and that if I'd been a US applicant for my job their, I would have been drug tested. What would I have done if they'd insisted? I would have quit. And I'm not joking. I simply will not take a drug test. It is the sign of a company that doesn't have any confidence in the ability of its managers to spot people who aren't working, and it's none of their fucking business.

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