Getting into eggs

I've been getting into eggs more recently. Of course, when I say “getting into eggs”, I mean physically getting into them. My favourite mechanism for doing this is to simply shrink myself down and have myself injected directly into the egg, either into yolk or white depending on my mood (see Figure 1). As the shrinking wears off, I gradually expand and break open the shell, ending up slightly soiled but usually satisfied with the experience.

There are a few things to bear in mind when using this method:

1. Oxygen supply – no air inside an egg! I use an aqualung. Oh, and flippers, you'll need those.
2. Have a reliable shrinking attendant who will make sure you are transferred to the syringe without exposure to wasps, bacteriophages and other hazards.
3. Make sure the egg is unfertilised. You don't want to be injected into a chicken embryo. Yuk!

The other method that I have used involves a lot more time and expense, given that one has to transform oneself into chicken sperm, and I don't recommend it, certainly not for the beginner.