Despite “force of reason” being a bit close to “sword of truth” and “shield of British fair play”, and the whole thing being just a little “Brand America“, I liked this idea.
[Scene: a dusty room in a North London mosque. A fiery RADICAL CLERIC with
scars, hooks etc is addressing an audience of earnest YOUNG MEN sitting on
plastic chairs.]
RADICAL CLERIC: “…and I say to you, the Western governments are decadent
imperialists, out to destroy the umma… the destruction of 911 was just
punishment…”
[The YOUNG MEN nod and stroke their chins, murmuring agreement. Suddenly, the
door bursts open and a TASK FORCE composed of MPs, peers, businessmen, religious
leaders and education experts enters. The LEADER is a respectable middle-aged
man in a suit, brandishing a copy of the Economist.]
LEADER OF TASK FORCE: “Stop! We are Tony Blair’s Task Force Of Reason, and we
are here to defeat your evil ideology!”
RADICAL CLERIC: “Curses!” [He turns to run, but the back door opens to reveal
more TASK FORCE MEMBERS, with an IMAM at the head.]
IMAM: “You’ll not escape that way!” [He brandishes a warrant card, marked
"Official Good Muslim" and signed by Charles Clarke.] “We’ll stop at nothing to
prevent you brainwashing these impressionable youths with your perversion of the
true faith of Islam.”
[Sundry TASK FORCE MEMBERS restrain the RADICAL CLERIC and tie him to a plastic
chair. The IMAM stands in front of the YOUNG MEN and begins a lengthy
theological argument, destroying the RADICAL CLERIC's position remorselessly,
piece by piece. They look impressed.]
YOUNG MAN 1: “I see now that my youthful inexperience and dissatisfaction have
been exploited by this man to make me party to his irrational hate!”
YOUNG MAN 2: “Me too!” [He stands, opens his jacket and removes a belt of
explosives.] “I won’t be needing this any more!”
[When he is finished, a BUSINESSMAN extols the virtues of modern neo-liberal
economics, and MPS and PEERS prove by the force of reason that Western
governments are fundamentally just and good, particularly where foreign policy
is concerned. Throughout, the RADICAL CLERIC sobs as his plans crumble about
him. Eventually the lecture is finished and the YOUNG MEN stand.]
YOUNG MAN 3: [Shakes the LEADER's hand.] “I must thank you for what you have
done today. We were vulnerable to extremist ideas, but you have engaged with us
and we are no longer a danger to anyone, including ourselves.”
LEADER: “No need to thank me – it’s all in a day’s work. But you have your whole
lives ahead of you now, free of hate. What will you do?”
YOUNG MAN 4: “Why, we’re off to get jobs and become productive members of the
middle classes of course!”
YOUNG MAN 5: “Yes, why didn’t we think of that before?”
[The YOUNG MEN leave, closely followed by the TASK FORCE, leaving the CLERIC,
who has stopped sobbing, still tied to the chair. He looks around him.]
RADICAL CLERIC: “Hello?”
[MI5 men slip in behind him, gag him and bundle him into a large crate marked
"Guantanamo Bay".]