Cleaning the Fucking Kitchen
A simple guide
28 September 2001
Many people out there - okay, in here - seem to have problems with the simple process of cleaning the fucking kitchen. Does this sound familiar?
- Instead of washing a plate, you leave it on the sideboard encrusted with beans.
- Once you've finished as much as you want to eat of a pizza, you're baffled as to what to do with what's left.
- As far as you're concerned, coffee mugs are supposed to be covered with mold.
- You think that, if you leave things long enough, the washing-up pixies will come and clean them, ready for the next time.
- You open the cupboard and curse that there's no clean plates, but don't connect it with the enormous heap of mouldering washing-up in the sink in front of your fucking nose.
- You think cutlery doesn't actually need to be cleaned - just use it again.
- The germ theory of infection hasn't reached your consciousness yet.
Yes? Don't worry, fridge is here to save you from being such an unutterably disgusting cunt before he goes mad and removes your head with a rusty can-lid.